Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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