We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
