I just cut my nipple shaving
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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