dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
