He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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