my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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