hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
