I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
