tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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