I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
