hotel room ftw
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
