I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize