I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're a waste of cheezeits
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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