if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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