i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize