Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
