I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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