I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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