Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
