never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
