You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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