at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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