I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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