I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
