the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
