So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
