I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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