I am in a vortex of obligation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
