New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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