i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
