I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
