I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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