I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
