Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
