She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I understand Curling. That high.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
