i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
