Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
