dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
