i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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