Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
