i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
