im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
