I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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