I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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