I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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