stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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