wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
