I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
