I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
