i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
