Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize