If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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