Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
MIDGETS
????
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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