What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
