I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
