I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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