I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
