Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and she was petting her beer can
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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