have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
