She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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