Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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