I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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