first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
