The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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