all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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