ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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