i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
