P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
