Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
