i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
