Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize