Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
