we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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