My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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