Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
