just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
