i jhust puked up my retainher.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
