I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
