He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
