Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
